Just Because You're Old Doesn't Mean You're Allowed To Be Rude To Everyone.

While in line at walgreens today, an older man was buying a nail file. He thought the price was $0.67, but it was actually $1.05 with tax. When he got his change, he realized that he didn't get as much change as he was expecting. At this point, he started getting belligerent:

"How can you charge so much for a stupid nail file?"
...I don't decide the prices, sir.
"I thought it was much less than a dollar!"
The price sticker is right there, sir... each file is a dollar.
(throws the nail file at the cashier) "You bastards charge so much money. Give me my money back."
I'm sorry, you'll have to go to the customer service counter to get a refund. I can't do that right here, and there is a long line of customers.
"I don't care about them. I don't have time to go to another counter! I have to get to church."
It'll only take a minute, they'll take care of your refund right away.
"But I'm gonna be late to church!"
Well, you can bring it back another time, but I do have to help the other customers.
"God damn you, you bitch."

The cashier, a young girl who was probably in high school, was on the verge of tears. As the old guy was leaving, I said to him, "Great attitude for someone on his way to church." The cashier laughed and said, "I know! He shouldn't use that language either." And all was well in walgreens again. But seriously! This guy bitched out a cashier for absolutely no reason other than his own incompetence (the price sticker was on the nail file), he made her feel like crap even though she was being as nice and as helpful as possible, and he was on his way to church. What the fuck? Is church just something to do to pass the time? Is it a social event where if you're late they kick you in the nuts? And, um... isn't it supposed to be a positive experience where you talk about being a good person and not using the lord's name in vain? I don't frequent religious establishments very often, but being a dick to someone and then heading to prayer seems kinda hypocritical. It's obvious that the actual experience of going to church and the messages that are conveyed didn't matter to this guy. If you're a dick, be a dick. The cashier will know that you're just... well, just a dick. If you're pious, be pious. Just don't be stupid and ruin someone's day, especially over something as trivial as a fucking nail file. I understand that the extra thirty-eight cents were probably very important to him, and that's fine. But if he'd gone over to the customer service desk and gotten his money back, it would've taken less time than his complaining. Or, he could've said "I'll bring this back another time to get my refund" and been nice about it. Instead, he chose to be a jerk, and that's what pissed me off. Grrr. Sometimes I just want to pee all over everything.

In Praise of GPS

Got a ride home from the airport the other night in a car with a sweet GPS system. The driver was telling me about its features - i'm thinking of getting one considering that i put 23,000 miles on my car in the year since i've had it - and he concluded his praise of the GPS system with "it's the balls."

Now, it may have been my lack of sleep, it may have been the four-hour flight delay, or it may have been that a sixty-year-old man used the phrase "it's the balls" to describe his GPS, but I found it really fucking funny. I explained to him that the phrase isn't one that I hear too often - so he continued to use it throughout the ride home. ("see that restaurant over there? it's the balls.") Big, forceful emphasis on the word balls - hence the italics. I tell ya, it was probably the most entertaining cab ride ever.

The Illadelph

Yeah, that's what I've heard Philly referred to as. Anyway, I'm in the Philadelphia airport, and it sucks. It's one of the more convoluted places I've ever been in. Example - I'm flying US Air. Logic dictates that I should check in at the US Air ticket kiosks. But no, I had to check in at the America West kiosks. Granted, they're codeshare, but I'm flying out of the A gates and America West is flying out of the C gates. Frickin' annoying when the heat in the airport is mysteriously unable to shut off. Seriously, I might take off my pants - it's that hot. Plus, there's only one place to connect to the internet - the food court. After three hours' sleep last night and a 4:45 am start to my day, all I want is to curl up in a seat by the corner of a gate and shut the world out (while i play on the internet). But no, Friday afternoon dictates that all the weekend-starved assholes bring their fat little bratty kids to the food court so they can scarf cheeseburgers before flying to Myrtle Beach. The one that threw the coke at my computer is in for an ass-whoopin'.

Bones

Okay, so I'm watching Letterman... it's apparently a repeat from a few weeks ago when V For Vendetta came out. He had a guy who was setting up a big domino display, and would check in with him every few minutes to see how the display was coming along. It was something like six thousand dominoes. Anyway, Dave is about to read the Top Ten List, and suddenly the guy starts shouting & swearing - the dominoes started toppling over before the display was finished. I don't know if it was intentional or not (hence the reason for this post), but if it was intentional, it was one of the funniest and most well-timed (and most well-acted; the guy threw himself into the domino display and started flailing around while cursing... it was awesome) comedic moments I've seen in a long time. If it was unintentional, and if the dominoes actually toppled by accident and the guy was actually swearing because he ruined his big moment on TV, then it's even funnier. Hey, Mel Brooks said that "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole and die." But I still don't know if it was intentional or not! (it looks like he's setting 'em up again - leading me to believe that he unintentionally screwed up and now he's trying to do it over... but there's no way he'll be able to get 6000 bones set up while angry) ...(sigh) how do we know what's real anymore? Am I really that skeptical that I'm even considering that it was all set up? Balls.

The Kancho is Real.

I've been reading the online journal of Azrael, a current teacher on the JET program, and I need to spread the word and encourage people around the world to procrastinate. Each entry I read makes me laugh harder, both out of enjoyment and empathy - I did the program a few years back and many of his experiences ring true. Read his journal here, I guarantee that he's not making this shit up. I'd write about my current job and I could probably write stuff almost as funny as Az's stories, but most of the people with whom I work speak English (and I'd probably be breaking privacy laws) and it just wouldn't be fair. I did keep a sort of half-assed journal when I was living there, but the files mostly got corrupted and I have absolutely no intention of re-writing anything. The memories are enough, and laziness shall conquer all.
On another note, the green mountains of Vermont are incredibly beautiful on a sunny spring day, snowcapped and fuzzy. And the tour of the Ben & Jerry's factory (i love that they are the self-proclaimed "two fattest guys in gym class") was fantastic - be on the lookout for flavors like VerMonty Python and Neapolitan Dynamite. They might already be out - i don't buy ice cream by the pint, so i'm not really in the know.

Warm cookies? Hell yeah.

It's official - the DoubleTree Hotel in Burlington VT may just be the nicest place ever. They gave me warm cookies upon check-in, my suite (!) is double the size of my former studio in Manhattan, and there's a Barnes & Noble next door. And after a four-hour drive through snow, sleet, and moose (alright, so i didn't see moose... doesn't mean they weren't there, dammit!), it's super nice. Burlington is an awesome little city - scenic, right on the lake, lots of art & music (there are basically four places that bands play in new england - boston, providence, northampton, and burlington... everywhere else gets shafted... but then again, there aren't many people anywhere else).
Anyway, I've been in a good mood these last couple of days - on Sunday night i got together with Max, a friend of our mutual friend from college. Max is a songwriter when he's not working as an educational consultant (all the cool people are in education - what gives?) and he's had some music floating around his head for several years. We concocted some fun stuff in a rehearsal studio (Jamspot... holy crap, the place rocks) and we're hoping to get a casual band together. Y'know, play a gig here and there, rehearse about once a week... not too serious. Playing music with people is something i've greatly missed since leaving the days of the Jesters, and I rarely get to jam with Mike or Jay anymore. I think it's called the Max Klau Band - I suggested the Experience or the Project, but in the end it doesn't really matter. The tunes are folky but with potential for horns... think Van Morrison with a shitty bass player. (um... i mean the bass is shitty because the input jack is kinda wonky and i have to stand in one spot or else the sound fades in & out... yeah, that's the ticket) Anyway, it feels good to not be playing with myse.... by myself. Playing with myself is a whole 'nother entry.

Aw, crap.

So today I decided that I'd start a blog. Not because everyone else on the planet with a computer is writing one, but because I'm sick. Not sure what part of last night's sushi my body didn't like, but I ain't moving much today and the voice ain't really up for talking. So, I figured I'd bitch to the entire world. In a rare display of technical prowess, a blog was born. (And yes, I considered using the "Son of Moto" template for the blog (and perhaps there's room for you later, young Moto), but I decided that this dark dots thingie looked kinda nifty. Dark blue being my favorite color, y'see.) Parentheticals.... get used to 'em; that's the way I write. Semicolons too. (little Moto? Paduan Moto? Kid Moto? Moto-chan? ....i need help.)

Thoughts for the day have gone something like this:

• at least it's raining... i can feel good about staying in.
• (after watching Super Size Me, which - all things considered - was not a good idea) i will never, ever eat fast food again. Quizno's and In-N-Out Burger don't count.
• Henry Rollins is fucking awesome.
• Shag: Jennifer Garner. Marry: Jennifer Love Hewitt. Push Off A Cliff: Jennifer Lopez.

I think that's about it for now. Hopefully I won't forget about this freaking blog and let it die a death of obscure internet isolation. But then again, I am a bear of very little brain. Happy April Fools' Day.