You Know You've Been In Boston Too Long When...

Okay, so I was in Aruba recently. Short version, it was an amazing trip. Long version... that's going to be another post, probably very much in the narrative never-ending-story fashion of the England trip.

Anyway, on the last day of the trip we unfortunately had to leave and return to reality. So, after a few hours in the morning soaking up some last few rays, I headed up to the room to shower and get ready. My dad, who remained poolside for a few more minutes, said, "have fun packing." And as I wandered up to the room, I was thoroughly confused.

Know why?

Because after living here for over four years, my ears/brain did not hear the word packing. They heard the word parking pronounced with a Boston accent. It took me about two minutes to figure out what the f**k my dad was talking about. He said a completely innocuous statement, and it seriously baffled me as to why he thought I was getting into a car.

So yeah, maybe I've been in Boston too long. I let the word "wicked" slip down in Aruba, and it wasn't in the normal sense (e.g. "I think that Karl Rove is a wicked person" or "Hey, have you read Wicked?"*). I used it in the describing-an-adjective sense, the stereotypical Bostonian sense - something like "It's wicked hot out here." As soon as I said it, I knew I was in deep doody. Heh heh, doody.

But I can't STAND the Boston accent. Every time I hear Mitt "Named For a Piece of Sports Equipment" Romney, I'm reminded that idiots sound even worse with a bad accent (this also works whenever Boston's mayor Tom Menino speaks). I know that it's funny when the mayor on the Simpsons talks, but he's a caricature of Kennedy and boy, even when the Kennedys say intelligent things, their accents get in the way of my believing their credibility. That goes a long way with me; when people don't understand that there is a letter "R" in many common words (including, in the famous example, the name of a prestigious school that happens to be in Boston (and what one might do with an automobile there)), their credibility vanishes like a Red Sox winning streak. The hardcore Boston accents drive me nuts.

Of course, everywhere has its accents, and I admit that I'm quite biased. It's just that "y'all" is charming (it's a very useful contraction! it's no different than combining "they" and "will" into "they'll"), whereas "pahk my cah in hahvad yahd" is downright stupid. And while George Bush makes a Southern accent sound, well, retarded, Bill Clinton is able to make a Southern accent sound charming and sometimes even professional. That does not exist with Boston accents; I can't think of a single person - sportscasters, politicians, teachers (can you imagine "the three R's" in a Boston classroom?) - who manages to sound intelligent while talking like mayor Quimby. And don't get me started on North Shore Boston accents. Random use of British... like saying "bath" to rhyme with "goth."

Does this mean that I'm leaving the place anytime soon? Nope. In fact, I've been looking at condos for the last six months. Got a few in mind now that I'm seriously pursuing (how neat would it be if both my brother and I lived in towns called Arlington?), and my goal is to be able to have a Labor Day bbq at my new digs. But we'll see. These things have a habit of slipping between my fingers.

Anyway, the point is that I like it here. It's just that I can't frickin' stand the accent. Somebody needs to smack me; I'm afraid that the unconscious use of "wicked" is the first step on the slippery slope toward sounding like a Kennedy. One comforting thought remains, though... it's better than the Long Island (lawn guyland) accent, and definitely better than the New Jersey ("yous guys") accent.

*When the touring company of the show Wicked came to Boston, the billboards had the typical green witch in black clothing... and the only two words were "Wicked Awesome." Now that's funny.